


breathe in and drink up the winter sky

by papparadise



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Papa Lallemant is a dick, but only briefly, like an A grade penis, lucas is afraid, we don't stan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 07:12:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/papparadise/pseuds/papparadise
Summary: "Lucas...the stars are out.Look up."Or, the one in which we find out why Lucas is afraid of the dark, and how Eliott helps him to see the light. Cue lots of tears and comfort.





	breathe in and drink up the winter sky

**Author's Note:**

> title comes from "The Lightning strike" by Snow Patrol.
> 
> is the bogeyman a thing in france? let's hope so.

“We should go back down soon”  
“Why?”  
“Because it’s getting dark, that’s why. And I’m freezing my butt off over here”

Eliott chuckled at his dramatic boyfriend, dragging an arm more firmly around his waist, pulling him closer. 

“I’ll keep you warm.”

They were lying, propped up against the wall on some cushions, on the upper balcony of Eliott’s apartment. Well, balcony was an exaggeration. It was the old fire escape, a network of balconies and stairwells that skirted the building and ended up on the roof, where they’d dragged themselves up tonight, armed with blankets and wine, to watch the sunset. No one else used this place, as far as Eliott knew, it having been deemed unsafe by the local council long ago, replaced by a more efficient inner staircase. And so much the better, because now it had become Eliott’s hideout, a secondary, closer refuge than La Petite Ceinture, where he could come to sketch or think or simply watch the city below. Or kiss his boyfriend. (The most recent, but definitely most popular addition to the list.)

The boyfriend in question chuckled lightly as Eliott rubbed a hand up his arm, shifting slightly to find a more comfortable position with Lucas’ head resting on his chest, a hand draped over his stomach.

“And besides, if we go down now we won’t get to see the stars come out”  
“Hm” Lucas grunted non-comitally against his chest, curling a hand into Eliott’s jacket.  
“What, you don’t want to see the stars? Or are you afraid the bogey man will get you when it gets dark?” Eliott teased with a grin, squeezing Lucas’ upper arm and laughing as the younger boy gave a half-hearted swat at his stomach.  
“Fuck off, who said anything about being afraid. We both know the bogey man would take you first anyway.”  
“Hm, true.” Agreed Eliott, dropping a kiss into the mess of Lucas’ hair. “You’re far too pretty for him, he wouldn’t know what to do with you.” He could feel Lucas’ huff of amusement and grinned, knowing the younger boy was rolling his eyes even if he couldn’t see it. 

They stayed like that for at least another half an hour, trading light banter and comments, Eliott teasing Lucas and Lucas failing to remain annoyed at him, always interrupting his eye rolls in favour of a kiss. And yet, as the last streaks of gold and pink hues sunlight faded away, Eliott could feel Lucas begin to tense up against him, almost imperceptibly shifting closer into Eliott’s arms. As the grey night stole across the sky, chasing away the last faint sunbeams, Lucas shivered.

“You cold, baby?”

Lucas shook his head, but Eliott reached an arm behind him all the same, stretching back to grab the spare blanket he’d stowed away up here. He shook it out with one hand to drape it over the two of them, his other hand still wrapped around his boyfriend’s body, which in fact, still felt as warm and inviting as it had earlier. Regardless, Eliott took the opportunity to snuggle closer to Lucas beneath the blanket, conservation of temperature being as good an excuse as any to get closer to his boyfriend. He dipped his head down to nose along Lucas’ jawline, brushing softly across the skin of his cheek, before finally dropping down to press a light kiss to the other boy’s lips. Yet, instead of tilting his head up to receive it, as Eliott had expected, Lucas kept his head tucked down, just barely moving his lips to reciprocate the kiss. Eliott retracted, concerned. If there was one thing he knew about Lucas (which hopefully he did, after a month of dating) it was that he was never not desperate for kisses. Lucas lived for the taste of Eliott’s lips, a fact the older boy was unabashedly proud of and exploited at every given opportunity, much to the equal amusement and chastisement of their friends. Ignoring a kiss was simply not normal Lucas behaviour.

“Lucas, baby? You okay?”

Lucas paused, seeming to teeter on the edge of saying something, but then simply shook his head, clamming up. He drew the blanket further up around his shoulders and shifted his head away slightly, his face almost impossible to see in the quickly gathering darkness. Eliott considered dropping it, but something about Lucas’ uncharacteristic silence prompted him to ask again. 

“Come on, tell me.” He tightened his grip around Lucas’ waist, then teased lightly; “You can speak, don’t be afraid of the bogeyman catching you if you make a noise.” He began to chuckle, hoping to draw Lucas out of his shell with a joke, but absolutely wasn’t expecting the younger boy to suck in a breath sharply between his teeth, shuddering as Eliott spoke. Eliott paused, taken aback, then his eyes widened slowly in realisation.

“You’re not...you’re not really afraid of that are you?”  
“No, putain! There is no bogeyman.” Eliott resumed his laughter as Lucas shoved his arm accusingly, counting the joke as a small victory. He rearranged his legs so that Lucas was firmly situated between them, his head tucked beneath Eliott’s own. He didn’t speak again for a while, not wanting to push Lucas into saying anything, but after a moment’s pause he heard an indecipherable murmur from below his chin.

“What was that baby?”

Another murmur, and then, quietly so that Eliott had to strain to hear - 

“The dark. I - I’m afraid of t-the dark.”

Eliott had to stop himself from starting in surprise - he had no idea. He racked his brains for a moment, trying to remember whether Lucas had mentioned this before. It had been early spring when they first started officially dating, and so the lengthening days and short nights of this first month had meant they spent little time in darkness outside of their own house - except for that night on the boat they both did their best to forget - and the only times they really went out after dark was to go to parties, where bright neon lights always lit up the whole street of whoever’s house it happened to be. Even so, perhaps Eliott should have noticed it by now, but as it was Lucas’ admission came as a total surprise.

“Oh, Lucas.” He began, realising from the tense body of the boy in his arms that it wasn’t the time for humour anymore. “I’m sorry I - I didn’t know, I shouldn’t have made you stay out so late, we can go in, I’ll -” He rambled desperately, mentally kicking himself for not having noticed before now (What kind of boyfriend didn’t even know his love’s fears? All the times Lucas had cared for him and he hadn’t even known of Lucas’ own suffering.) but the younger boy interrupted.

“No, it’s, it’s fine. The stars aren’t out yet. You wanted to see the stars.” His voice wavered slightly, but he seemed sure of himself, still not looking at Eliott but pushing his head into his chest again. And he was right, on both counts - Eliott had wanted to see the stars, and they hadn’t quite come out yet, despite the growing blackness that spilled out slowly across the sky like the gentle surf of a wave. There were no stars yet, and no moon, and Eliott couldn’t bring himself to move yet anyway, so they stayed. The air was heavy between them, the pregnant silence following Lucas’ admission seeming to promise something more. So Eliott waited. And a few minutes later, Lucas spoke again.

“My….dad.” He began, sucking in a shaky breath whilst making an abortive move towards Eliott’s hand, subconsciously searching for a comfort that the older boy was all too willing to provide. He extricated his hand from beneath the blanket and slipped it into Lucas’, gripping his slightly shaking fingers tightly, trying to be as grounding and as comforting a force as possible. Whether it worked or not he couldn’t tell, but in any case Lucas continued speaking a moment later.

“When I was younger, and before my parents split up, when my mum first - y’know”  
Eliott nodded against the back of Lucas’ head, rubbing small circles across his hand, but didn’t say anything.  
“When my mum first got ill,” Lucas exhaled. “Dad would come home sometimes, pissed as hell. He’d always been a bit of a drinker, but when mum got bad, he took it to a new level, almost as if it was some kind of sick competition, trying to make his own condition as bad as possible so he didn’t have to deal with my mum’s. And it was - it was terrifying. The way he became so angry.”  
Lucas paused again to collect himself, and Eliott’s heart ached for him. It wasn’t often that the younger boy opened up like this and allowed himself to be vulnerable, but each time he did it took all of Eliott’s willpower not to grip him tight and never let go. As it was, he opted for wrapping his arms closer around Lucas waist, maneuvering Lucas’ hands together so they were both held tightly between Eliott’s own.

“He wasn’t violent, you know. Or at least, not very often.” Lucas wavered, only for a split second, but it was long enough for Eliott to notice, a red hot throb of anger pulsing through his body. The very thought of anyone hurting the beautiful, innocent boy in his arms left him seething. Lucas didn’t seem ready to explain that now though, and with a great effort Eliott tucked his anger away, pushing down his burning questions for another time. He willed his heartbeat to return to normal as Lucas continued.

“Not very often. I think he was too much of a coward for that. He preferred to punish us in other ways. And one of his favourites, was to turn the power off. Our electric meter was old fashioned, I don’t know how it worked but it needed a key to work it, to turn the power on and off. There was only one key and when he was angry, he’d cut the power, then leave with the key, spend a night in a pub or fuck knows where, maybe just out in the street. Sometimes it would be for just an evening, sometimes for a whole night, sometimes the entire day. But each time it would be me, and mum, and the cold, dark house. No lights, no heating, no kettle, no warm water.”

Lucas broke off again, his breathing unsteady as he pulled his hands from Eliott’s grasp to wipe pathetically at his face, where hot tears were undoubtedly making their tracks down his cheeks. His voice was thick as he began again, unable to hide his crying anymore.

“And it was so fucking dark, Eliott. It was always so fucking dark. Sometimes, on her bad days, mum wouldn’t even notice that the power was out, she’d be asleep or just stuck in bed, staring at the ceiling. That was the worst, before I was old enough to understand what was wrong with her. Dad would shout and leave, it would be pitch black, and mum would b-be unreachable. And I - I didn’t know what was happening, Eliott, it was so dark. It felt like the end of the world. Sometimes, I’d sit, for hours, and just cry, until one of them - came back to me.” Lucas was fully sobbing now, and Eliott couldn’t bear any longer to stare silently at the top of his boyfriend’s head as he broke down.

“Shhh, shhh baby it’s alright, I’ve got you.” He soothed desperately, turning Lucas around in his lap so that the boy’s face was now pressed to Eliott’s chest. With one hand he struggled to open up the zip of his jacket before pulling Lucas inside it against his warm chest, his tears soaking into the fabric of Eliott’s jumper. He rubbed the younger boy’s back comfortingly as he wept, rocking them both gently and pressing kisses to the top of Lucas’ head until he was ready to speak again.

“Even when - even when I got older, and when mum was properly diagnosed, the darkness would come back. Dad moved out when I was 15, ditched me to look after mum. He sent us money, but not enough to pay the rent, so we had to move out, find somewhere cheaper. We ended up in a council apartment block, cramped into this dirty, cheap flat whilst Dad ran off with his new girlfriend, and it was - it was.” Lucas broke off again with a hiccuping sob. “It was so cheap and broken down that sometimes, sometimes the power would go out. Not just in our flat, in the whole building. It would be pitch black and you could hear the other people in the building, banging and shouting and hitting things and it - it was like being with Dad all over again. In the darkness, every sound was his footsteps, every crash was his bottle hitting the floor, every shout was his voice, reminding me that I’m a disappointment, in case I’d forgotten.” Lucas gave an ironic, harsh bark of laughter which wound up in a shaky sob. “As if I could forget. I was 15 and afraid of the fucking dark, stuck in this fucking flat trying to look after my mother when I could barely look after myself.” He exhaled again, bitterly. “And now look at me. 17 and still afraid of the fucking dark, like some fucking child.” The anger which had suddenly risen in his voice petered out just as quickly as he broke into a new bout of weeping, and Eliott clutched him tighter inside the jacket, trying to convey all his love through the tightening of his arms around Lucas’ small, trembling form. He seemed to have lost all strength in his body, falling into Eliott’s embrace and shaking with great racking sobs. Eliott’s heart broke a little more with each shuddered breath. 

“Shhh, shhhh, baby, you’re safe.” He peppered a hundred kisses across the top of Lucas head, pressing his lips repeatedly against his hair, damp with sweat, unable to reach the boy’s face. He continued to rock them gently together, whispering assurances and promises into Lucas’ ear. As Eliott stroked his back and pressed a hand against his head, Lucas’ tears subsided, little by little, leaving him weak and breathless in Eliott’s arms. Eliott’s voice was no more than a faint murmur now, yet he tried to convey as much love and comfort into it as possible, focused solely on making Lucas feel safe. As the younger boy’s shaking finally stilled Eliott let his eyes drift up to the deep, black sky above them.

“Lucas...The stars are out.” He breathed, careful to keep his voice steady to avoid startling the other boy.  
“Look up.”  
For a moment Lucas seemed to pause, but then gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head and push further into Eliott’s embrace, keeping his eyes pressed into the wool of his jumper. Eliott smiled gently.  
“You don’t want to look? I’ll have to describe it to you then.” Eliott whispered, his mouth pressed into Lucas’ hair just above his ear, feeling his warm breath bouncing off the younger boy’s tangled locks.  
“The stars are bright, tonight. There’s no moon, but that just makes them shine all the brighter. I can see Polaris, the North Star.” He felt his lips curve into a smile against Lucas’ temple, and pressed a soft kiss there, while searching the sky for more constellations. “I can see Polaris, and I can see...Cassiopeia, and I can see Orion’s belt…” Lucas shifted slightly, in Eliott’s arms, clearly listening intently, although he still didn’t look up. 

“Do you know Cassiopeia? It’s a constellation of five stars, and she was a beautiful Greek queen. But I’m sure nowhere near as beautiful as you.” He thought he could feel Lucas mouth move into a small smile against his chest, and carried on. “And Orion’s Belt, that’s those three bright ones that help you find Orion. He was a hunter, and brave. Just like you.” Eliott paused, and breathed in deeply. 

“You’re so brave Lucas. You’re the bravest person I know.” He whispered, almost soundlessly, like he was imparting a great secret. Still Lucas didn’t move, but it didn’t matter.

“You know why I like stars so much, Lucas?” He continued. “They’re so constant. All my life, every night, I can look up, and see Polaris. And yet, they never lose their splendour or their brightness. And no matter where you are, who you’re with, which parallel universe you’re in, the stars will always be there.  
But to see them, we have to have darkness.  
And sometimes, like tonight, the darkness comes before the stars. And we have to wait to see them. But Lucas, they’ll always come. And when they do, they light up the whole sky.” Eliott was unable to stop himself from breaking into a smile.  
“They’re born in the darkness, Lucas, but they make it...beautiful. Like you.” He took a deep breath.  
“Your father was...he was a piece of shit, Lucas. He hurt you and you’ve suffered more than anyone should have to. If I could - if I could go back, and take all of that from you and put it on myself, I would, Lucas. I’d take it all if I could. But you know what? Your dad may have put you through some shit, may have left you in the darkness, but you, you make it beautiful”.  
Eliott whispered this last bit, then pushed his nose right in above Lucas’ ear and said again, louder, grinning:  
“You make it beautiful, Lucas! And not just that, but you make my life beautiful too. My life was a dark, tangled mess last year,” Eliott allowed his mind to wander back, briefly, to the hell of the last couple of years. The loneliness, the rejection from his friends, the total darkness from which the only way out seemed death, his failed attempt to take this escape...but that was a conversation for another time. Lucas didn’t need to be loaded with that confession now.  
“My life, was in total darkness before I met you, Lucas. I mean it. But then you came in, you were so brave, and so bright, and you made my life beautiful! You made it worth living again!”  
Eliott wanted to shout this from the rooftop, to paint it across the ceiling, but he restrained himself to simply whispering it in Lucas’ ear with an irrepressible grin. He followed it with a firm kiss to the younger boy’s temple, and was rewarded with Lucas finally turning his face up, pushing away from Eliott’s chest to look into his eyes. In the dim starlight Lucas’ skin seemed to glow, his eyelashes framing his dark eyes in shadows lined with silver. Eliott could faintly see the outlines of tear tracks down the younger boys cheeks, and he raised his hand to wipe them gently with his thumb, smiling as Lucas closed his eyes and leaned in to the caress.

“You are so, so brave, Lucas. Never forget that.”

A faint smile grew on Lucas lips, and Eliott couldn’t resist any longer, surging forwards to capture them in his own, tasting the salt of Lucas’ tears that lingered there. As he drew back afterwards, he pulled Lucas against him again, this time tipping them both back so they were properly lying on the floor, no longer leaning against the cushions but flat on the ground, looking up at the stars. As Lucas gazed up and contemplated the twinkling lights above them, Eliott turned his face towards his boyfriend, revelling in the sight before him. The view above them might be good, but this view was even better.

“Lucas?” He said, after a while of simply looking.  
“Mm?” Lucas turned his head to face Eliott, their noses only millimetres apart.

“I love you, so much.”

**Author's Note:**

> tadaaam! this is my first ever fic, so i really hope you like it! ft the only three constellations i know, i'm just assuming you can see the same ones from France eek. comments are always appreciated!  
> tumblr: @papparadise


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